Let's face it, we've ALL found ourselves, cheeks burning, traveling through underground connections using heated whispers to plead for answers to our Most embarrasing Beauty 911s. Why Now? What do we do? Where do we turn? But more importantly, Who do we trust?!?
First, we go to our very "best" and most "discreet" friends only to find that our pains become public after a few martinis. Well, I've come to rescue you and no one ever has to know;)
How To Prevent Bruising - Acting Quickly on the Cheap
Fight or Flight Fail
Let's just say it was for a good cause. I mean, I heard blood curdling screams coming from the other room for goodness sake! Primal Instinct took hold. I wasn't even awake yet, but in one clumsy but unified movement, I bolted upright then flew into an automatic run... almost. Here's where it could've gone wrong:
1) Eyes trying to see through stubborn eyelids that refused to raise and reveal the clear path to the doorway.
2) Lack of sleep hence coordination of a jello, stick figure.
3) Adrenaline Rush Fail.
As I hurled forward out of my bed, somehow one foot caught in the sheet or the comforter/duvet what have you and I tripped. An onomotopeia? Crack! BOOM Yelp. Now, imagine falling - hard - knee first onto the sharp, wood corner of the ironically well-cushioned ottoman. Nice. Before this particular incident, it's placement at the foot of the bed seemed harmless - helpful even! Usually, it just sits pretty, doesn't do much... Et Tu Brute?
"I'm okay... uh, maybe not."
What transpired next was a series of expletives synchronized with a wail/whine/cry sound that came from way down deep inside where my soul had abruptly become disrupted from peace.
Maybe it hurt because:
1) the muscle was momentarily separated where the corner had made contact. (I heard a crunch.)
2) Possibly, it was the fact that the corner actually hit bone. (pretend to not think about crunch sound)
3) Was it my Pride that it had cut so deeply?
4) Nope. Just Pure Pain. (Breathing. B/w screams).
Why do I tell you this story? Why do I show you this ugly pic of my knee? I told you I'd help you with embarassing things like the aftermath of your clumsiness;) Don't tell me those fantabulous platforms or 6-inch heels never turned on you at the most inopportune moment. Even in a flat shoe, slipping and falling is not out of the question. Were you at work? on a Date? New York Fashion Week? It's okay. I totally understand. Remember, I'm your girl and I'm going to offer you a hand. Stand up my friend and listen to me.
You betchyer Aqua Net...
HAIRSPRAY sprayed directly on the site of the injury (potential and probable Bruise - **caveat: NOT recommended for Broken skin) WILL PREVENT MOST BRUISES FROM EITHER FORMING OR TURNING BLACK AND BLUE.
So you ask why is my knee bruised here? Remember the blood curdling scream that I was attempting to rescue? Well, let's just say, I didn't get to my bruise in time and this pic was taken a day later. When I did finally remember to apply Hairspray and had the stamina to overcome all obstacles and execute the task, it was already swirling into the darker colors of the rainbow. But I must say, it never got worse.
So you ask why you should believe me when I say this works? Because it does. I've tried it over and over on shins, elbows, cheeks, knees, you name it. No, don't worry, I've only been victim to my inner adrenaline junkie. Let's just say I heart certain sports that require a special relationship with jumping which leads to falling...and rolling from time to time (not to be confused with "falling down the stairs," though)...